My day kind of sucked, and here’s something nice you can do

It was one of those days.

 I dropped Roo off with my sister-in-law this morning, and the 2-mile trip took 50 minutes. He peed through his entire outfit just before we left (stupid mama forgot to tuck the diaper all the way into the cover) and had to have his entire outfit changed.

He started to cry as I was putting the car seat into the car, and melted down less than a half mile later because he was hungry. I thought he would make it to my SIL’s and she could feed him, but - again, stupid mama - what made me think a 3-month-old could wait for his food? When you’re 3 months old, hunger = emergency. And when you’re the mom, that means you’re pulled over on the side of the road sticking a bottle in your kids mouth.

And then changing a diaper.

Then driving some more.

Then pulling over again when he melts down AGAIN and sticking the bottle back in his mouth.

All while calling your sister-in-law, who is walking the dog in the park, on the phone over and over to get her new coordinates each time you think you’ll actually get to her without the baby melting down.

By the time I dropped him off, all I could think was Jennifer Connelly in Labyrinth, shrieking “I wish the goblins would come and take you away. Right now!”

****

I fired someone today. No, really. And for those of you who are thinking: so? It should be known that I am a die-hard non-profit worker. I haven’t earned a dime from a for-profit organization since I was a teenager. And let’s face it: no one gets fired in non-profits.

This woman was hired when I was on maternity leave. My supervisor got some red flags even before she officially started. Since I started - a whopping 4 weeks ago, including 2 part-time - there have been more red flags. And today we sat down to meet and she informed me that 1) she was unaware before she started that GLBT work was part of the job and 2) she had nothing against GLBT people, oh no, not her, but she was “fundamentally uninterested” in the part of her job that had to do with our GLBT programs.

Huh.

Dude. This 1) was included in the posting you applied for and 2) is one of the fundamental aspects of what you were hired to do. And, oh yeah - if you have to tell me that you have “no problem” with GLBT people, this is not the job for you.

We handed her her final check within 2 hours of that conversation. It really, really sucked. All the new people walked around this afternoon with their shoulders hunched, like they were waiting for the ax to fall again. 

**** 

And now for the something nice you can do… The always-beautiful Afrindie Mum has started a virtual baby shower for Alley, a pregnant woman whose life is really hard right now and who is having a hard time seeing her way to not relinquishing her much-wanted baby. Go check it out and put your many where your mouth is, my friends.

****

Now I’m off to sit on the front steps with my itty bitty pumpkin boy and hand out sugar to the already-amped neighborhood kids. I think things will look up.

Protected: Leading a horse to water

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

Things you don’t want to hear on Monday morning

From the guy driving the tow truck:

“Good luck. Hope it’s not as bad as it looks.”

Aaargh.

My kid is a party animal

We took Roo to a wedding last night and, true to form, he loves a good party.

 After getting the inevitable “we have  a baby we can’t possibly be on time” stuff over with by taking a ginormous shit 10 minutes before we had to go and then peeing on his pants as we changed him, he slept all the way through the rainy, rainy trip up to the coast of Maine.

He didn’t make a peep through the ceremony. NSG carried him in the wrap for most of the reception. He was admired and cooed and fussed over the whole night. People we had never met would walk by and say “Hi Roo!” Like he’s a celebrity. And he ate. it. up.

When they got the music going he waved his arms and legs around and bobbled his head like he was ready to get out of the wrap and join the bride and groom for the Stray Cat Strut (no, I’m not kidding about the music).

Aside from being the life of the party, he also relieved most of the weirdness of white-lesbian-moms-with-biracial-kid at a wedding that was otherwise (as far as we could tell) entirely white and straight.

One older man, after NSG walked by him with Roo in the carrier, stopped me to say: In my day, you would never have seen a dad carrying his baby in one of those! I think it’s great! This kid has got himself two great parents!

NSG headed straight for the bar.

Heh.

***

A lot of people asked us about his adoption, which is interesting, because it’s only in the pasat month that he’s gotten dark enough that people immediately assume he was adopted, not that one of us gave birth to him.

Usually, conversations went like this:

Wedding guest: So, is he adopted? Where is he from?

Us: He is. He was born in Crazy State.

WG: Wow. Usually you hear about kids being adopted from other countries. How long did it take you?

Us: Almost exactly a year. But from the time we were approved until we got the call about him it was only about 3 weeks.

WG: Wow! I heard it takes like, 5 years to adopt.

Us: Well, we got really, really lucky. But sometimes when you hear something like that it’s about people trying to adopt a white baby. We were open to a baby of any race.

WG: Ohhhh… (uncomfortable pause). Huh. Well, he is REALLY cute. [Changes subject]

I guess we’ve got to start somewhere.

Protected: Why is it…

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

I got frogged today!

Go see.

 They (mostly) even liked me!

Garden State

Well played, New Jersey. Very well played.

NJ legislature: marriage is marriage. Civil unions are not.

Keep the momentum going, ‘k?

Grump. And also, whine.

I’m just venting for a second.

Most of the people in our lives have been beyond amazing since we came home with Roo. We’ve felt so supported. But the few that have been less than amazing are driving me a little nuts.

Last week I was taken to task for not returning phone calls fast enough and not taking the initiative to be the first to call. Have we met? Do you remember that I am ALWAYS terrible about returning phone calls? And that I have a new baby and just went back to work?

This morning someone who was very graciously taking care of Roo for part of the day got pissed at me because I asked her if she needed me to show her how to put the car seat in her car. Okay, so she was someone who obviously doesn’t need a lesson, but this was the first time since we’ve had Roo that he’s been in the car with anyone besides me or NSG driving, and I’m still not used to leaving him with someone else. And car accidents are my worst nightmare. Was it really too much for her to just humor me, or at least laugh in my face about my neurotic new parent anxiety instead of getting mad?

Cut a girl a little slack, okay? It’s not about you. My head is still firmly planted in my new-Mama ass.

Grrr. Foot-stomp.

Petty self-righteousness, over and out.

ABF update

It’s been a while since I’ve posted about adoptive breastfeeding, but I’ve gotten some emailed questions recently and thought maybe it was time.

So… still at it. Still using the SNS, still taking lots of domperidone and fenugreek.

It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever been thrilled to do.

It took about 6 weeks to get really comfortable with the SNS. Now we use it without tape, and about a month ago I started using it to breastfeed at night - we were exclusively bottle feeding at night because the SNS was too difficult. Now that he’s down to one middle-of-the-night feeding I only breastfeed him at night, and if I can get up before he does in the morning and clean the SNS I breastfeed him for the first feeding in the morning. (We just got a second one so that will be easier).

The drugs are fine. I take a lot - a LOT - of pills: six capsules of fenugreek plus 9 dom, and the usual assortment of vitamins. But I’ve hardly had any side effects from them - just a little nausea when I take too many at once, and rarely for more than 10 minutes.

I try to pump every time I miss a feeding to keep my supply up.  I don’t always make it, but I think it’s important because I haven’t been doing it all that long - if I’d been breastfeeding him for 6 months or more it would be less of an issue, I think.

I don’t get that much when I pump, usually - a good session is usually an ounce and a half (total) for me.  But recently I had a converstaion with a co-worker whose son is a month older than Roo and she mentioned that she was having trouble with her milk supply and started drinking Mother’s Milk tea, which worked great. So I pulled out the tea I had gotten months ago but never drank because I was too stubborn to get past the fennel smell. After one cup, I pumped THREE OUNCES this morning - whoo! I had to get up and do the breastmilk dance. (Trust me, I looked like an idiot). It may or may not have been about the tea, but now I’m mainlining it in hopes that it’s my magic bullet.

Anything I pump during the day (usually twice during the day plus once before work) I give Roo in the SNS when I feed him at night, so that at least one feeding a day he gets exclusively breastmilk. On the weekends I try to pump to freeze, but since I usually pump so little I don’t have more than 8 or 10 stored bags at any given time. We’re saving them for when he’s sick, or exposed to someone who is sick - or an occasion like this weekend, since he just got his first vaccine (which is a post by itself, but for another day).

Since all you breastfeeding experts reassured me, I’m pretty sure he gets more breastmilk when he breastfeeds than when I pump. He’s taking about 5 ounces out of the bottle now but never more than 2 1/2 or 3 on the breast. And also the bonding… I try to feed him as soon as I get him at night, and he just smacks away: Look at me! I’m nursing! Look at me! When I’ve been missing him all day it’s so nice to have him just snuggled in like that with that cute little hand holding onto my collar.

I don’t know if this is actually true, but I suspect the regular protocol is more effective than the accelerated protocol. I’m sorry I didn’t get it together to do it, and I’m sorry I was stubborn about not wanting birth control pills and the uncertainty of pumping and taking pills without a due date - I think it would have been worth it.

But I’m so glad I’m doing it.

What else? Other things you want to know? Advice for me?

Protected: Taking a turn (email me if you want the password)

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password: