The drain

This is it, my friends: my last post.

I moved to this blog a while back because the other one was not anonymous enough, and I purposely did not give this address to family members or close friends (the only exception being a handful of people I had met through blogging). Despite having a new address with no names attached to it - mine or anyone else’s - more than one person who I had understood would not be reading this blog has found it and identified me. Already one friendship took a hit because someone I asked not to read this blog did some detective work and found me. This friendship is only now beginning to recover.

This happened again recently, and several people are very hurt.  I betrayed the trust of someone very important to me, and I don’t know what it will take to heal that. There will be plenty of fallout from this. And, to my formerly anonymous reader: I’m sorry. I don’t have better words for it right now. But I hope you know that I would never in a million years have done this on purpose, and I can’t begin to tell you how much I regret it.

I have counted - naively, obviously - on the anonymity of this blog when I have posted information here about my family, my friends, my marriage, and my son’s adoption. I know that everyone says that whatever you post on the internet is fair game, but obviously I didn’t listen carefully enough. So now I’ve hurt someone very important to me, and I’m also painfully aware that I put some things out there that I would not have shared with the person who has been reading this.

I’ve loved blogging. NSG has asked me why I can’t just keep a journal, but the feedback from other people and the connections I’ve made with other people have been at least as valuable as the opportunity to record pieces of my life. The support in particular around open adoption - the perspectives from first moms and from adoptive parents living open adoption - has been nothing less than life-changing for me, and I’m very grateful. There’s no way I could have made those kinds of connections outside the internets.

I’ll miss that, but the cost of doing this keeps going up, and it’s way too expensive now. So I’m out.

I miss…

First snowstorm of the year

Originally uploaded by Roundisfunny1

… my family, and I miss this - the first snowstorm of the year. I can hardly complain: I’m at my uncle’s house - not only is he still alive (which a month ago was still a question) but we ate sushi together tonight, and it’s 50 degrees out at 8 pm. But still - I want to taste snow, and I want to lie on the couch and let Roo use me as his human belly-trampoline.

I always used to love travelling for work. It feels a lot more ambivalent now that I’m Roo’s mama.

(Photo courtesy of the Boston Globe)

Down time

carry-on bag

Originally uploaded by Roundisfunny1

This picture is Roo’s carry-on bag. NSG loaded him up with snacks and toys in a special backpack we bought for him at a yard sale last weekend in the hopes that he can entertain himself and sit still (hah!) for the trip to Philly while she does her fearful-flyer-exercises with him in her lap.

I had plans to go to Western Mass this weekend to see a (very, very) pregnant friend, but - the nerve of her - she went into labor. So it’s 1:30, and I am ensconced very happily in pajamas on my unmade bed with 2 cats at my feet, a big cup of coffee on the nightstand, and a copy of Barbara Kingsolver’s new book (in hardback - I’m getting crazy here, people). Tonight I am going to sleep through the whole. freakin. night, and tomorrow I’m going to wake up on my own schedule and spend at least half the day sitting on my tail working on a sweater for Roo and catching up with a friend I haven’t seen in a month.

I can hardly stand myself.

This made my day

No justice, No sleep

Originally uploaded by Roundisfunny1

A gift from a sympathetic co-worker. Made by Revo Baby, which has some really freakin’ funny stuff.

Vacation, redux

Beach bum

Originally uploaded by Roundisfunny1

Finally got those film images developed from our beach trip in August. This is one of those photos that makes me remember every detail of that afternoon.

New password

I just put up a password-protected post.

Email me at anelephantsgestation AT hotmail DOT com if you’d like the password.

Have two, use none

My latest post, Have two, use none, about the negotiations around how to have a baby when your family has two uteruses, is up at Lesbian Family dot org.

The last of the grumpies

Are you sick of me yet? I can’t seem to shake the grumpies this week.

Last night was okay. No cursing, no elbowing (well, once… but only a little one!). A smiley baby in the morning. Lovely.

A rough start this morning, though. NSG and I switched cars so I could take her car to the mechanic. This started to seem like a good idea after she called me hysterical the other day because she was driving with Roo and THE HOOD FLEW UP. Hello?

So I made my way oh-so-slowly to the mechanic next door to my office this morning armed with bungie cords and hazard lights. And of course the inevitable: halfway there the hood flew up again. I managed not to panic, since I had spent half the drive imagining this exact disaster, but the hood was destroyed, the grill cracked, and the roof dented, and I spent the first hour of my work day sitting on the side of the highway in 33 degree weather waiting for the tow truck. And the mechanic took one look at the car and sent us straight to the body shop, since we were now way beyond “fixing the latch.”

Argh.

As goes the morning, so goes the rest of the day.

It’s time for a grateful list, since I haven’t done this in a long time and I’m clearly in need of a bit of refocusing.

… for my baby who started GIGGLING tonight

… for the kick-ass woman I interviewed today, who gave me hope that I won’t be running this project alone for the rest of the year

… for the little piece of concrete with Roo’s footprints in it, presented to me with great ceremony tonight

… for the good turn recently taken in a friendship that had seemed like it might have hit bottom

… for Scrubs back on the air

… for a windshield that didn’t crack today, despite the odds

… for my sore abs, evidence that I have finally had time to get some exercise again and take care of myself

… for my weekend plans that are almost as much fun to anticipate as they will be to carry out.

And you? What are you grateful for?

Sweater

November 11 06 edited

Originally uploaded by Round is Funny.

This makes my day: my son, wearing a sweater my grandmother knitted for me before I was born.

I love looking at these tiny stitches and thinking about her thinking of her youngest daughter and of me, who she hadn’t met yet.

And now my son, who is named for her, has one more piece of her.

Yee-haw!

Usually I agree with Utah Phillips: supporting the Democrats is like re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. But today I want to sing.

It’s definitely not all good. New marriage bans passed in 6 states. Horrific.

But the Republicans hit bottom, one state elected its’ first black governor, a marriage ban went down, an abortion ban went down, and a stem cell research bill passed.

It’s a good day.

****

ETA: It just gets better and better!