Tuesday: went back to work. Cried all the way there.
It wasn’t bad once I was there. Everyone wanted to see pictures. NSG called with updates about the boy every couple of hours. He did great: smiley and laid-back all day at work with her.
Thursday was payback day. Roo was wiped out from his last few days. Too tired to eat, to hungry to sleep. I was bone-tired from a mere two days at work and wanted to be the one held and fed and loved. But he needed it more. We both spent half half the morning in tears.
In desperation, I put Roo in the magic carrier and took him to the park for a long, long walk. Less than half a mile in, he fell asleep. The park was stunning, all crispy leaves and auburns and golds and greens. I stood on a hilltop for almost a half hour, looking around, seeing no one, just breathing in and out – finally – and loving this little being snuggled into my chest beyond all reason.
Friday I stomped around the house feeling crabby and grumpy. Couldn’t quite figure out why. Was not very nice to a certain someone who didn’t deserve crabbiness and grumpiness.
Dreamt I was driving with Roo and suddenly realized he was in my lap, not in his car seat (see Spears, Britney) and panicked because I couldn’t find somewhere to pull over so I could put him safely into his seat.
Still crabby and grumpy on Saturday. Finally managed to get it all dealt with somewhat productively.
Date night! We actually went out without Roo for the first time. Roo hung out with his grandparents and trained them to change his diaper every time he cried – 4 times in under 4 hours, actually. We saw Cirque du Soleil, which made me want to go straight home and jump around and do flips on the bed. Leaving the house together, without Roo, was almost surreal – we had 6 years without him and 11 weeks with him, but we still had to remind ourselves how to be together as two.
Damn, we’re good.
Now Monday: we start over. It’s so good, but someone please tell me: this will all get a little easier too, right?