I need to get a grip.
My expectations are too damned high, and it’s making everyone crabby.
The sleeping has been going better. We have not, thankfully, had a repeat of the up-every-hour night. The baby is out of the bed (for most of the night, anyway) and back in the co-sleeper, where we want him – close enough to touch but not in the middle, where we both lie half-awake fearing that we’ll suffocate him with the comforter.
And yet. Still with the 3:30 feedings, which by themselves would be fine – he’s still a really little guy. But also the 4:30 hold-me wakeup and the 6:00 I-want-to-play wakeup (note to Roo: just because YOU went to bed at 7:30 doesn’t mean the rest of us did). I’m exhausted. NSG is exhausted. Getting up at night is so much harder now than it was a few months ago, and no matter what kind of good-attitude talking-to I give myself during the day, I can’t help but whine and grumble out loud – hopefully loud enough that NSG will share my misery – every time he gets up.
Note to self: waking up your partner every time you have to get up is not a good way to earn sympathy.
For Christ’s sake. I’m sick of myself already. Whine, whine, whine. Also, grumble and kvetch. Seriously. As of tonight – as of 14 minutes from now (my goal for hitting my mattress) I will be cool, calm, and collected. No more cursing when the baby wakes up (at some point that’ll come back to haunt me), no more elbowing NSG covertly because misery loves company.
I just needed to say that in print. Now I’m accountable to YOU for it. Just watch me get on with my bad good-attitude-in-the-middle-of-the-night self.