The Parent Crunch

February 27, 2007

My new post is up over at LesbianFamilyDOTorg:

Last week my mother-in-law suggested that maybe two-mom families are more equitable because our culture’s expectations for moms is that they’ll be involved in the day-to-day details of their children’s lives, and so both parents are more willing to roll up their sleeves with their kids when it comes to all the little time-consuming and energy-intensive things kids need.

I don’t want to over-generalize or put too much stock in the stereotype, but I wonder if she’s onto something...



February 27, 2007

You’d think this was the first time our adoption agency has done a finalization.

More than a month ago, we had our final post-placement visit, and I badgered the heck out of our awesome-but-terrible-about-paperwork social worker so that we could get our post-placement reports ASAP. All the other paperwork was done, and the placement agency reported that as soon as they got those reports they would turn everything over to our lawyer. The lawyer would file for a court date with Big Underfunded Urban County, we would wait 2-3 months for the date, and then finalize. A cumbersome process at best, but one we were prepared for.

Our lawyer requested the documents from our agency almost 4 weeks ago. They said they needed to send some of the documents to their partner agency in Crazy State, where Roo was born, and get some documents from them – the TPR and so on.

The lawyer called us last week to say she had still hear nothing from the agency. So we call them. The placement agency berates us for nagging them – we told you when we last spoke that we couldn’t do anything without the documents from Crazy State Agency – despite that it had been more than 3 weeks since we had heard anything from them. They suggested calling Crazy State Agency to put pressure on them

This morning I call Crazy State Agency and guess what happens? They berate me for nagging them (are you seeing a theme here?) and give me a different story. Our placement agency says they were waiting on paperwork from Crazy State Agency, but Crazy State Agency says they just got a request YESTERDAY from our placement agency for more paperwork.

Someone is lying to avoid admitting they made a mistake, and in the meantime we were eligible to finalize a month ago but have still not even filed the paperwork that begins the 2-3 month wait for a court date.

I know that by the time Roo is 3 we’re not even going to remember when we finalized, but this is really, really aggravating me right now. There are no legal glitches, just bureaucratic confusion, and in the meantime our son is legally our foster child.

And also, what’s up with agencies yelling at us for trying to get things moving when we’ve been in a holding pattern for a month?


This spells trouble

February 19, 2007


Protected: Literature, it’s not

February 16, 2007

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Oh, romance

February 14, 2007

A romantic Valentine’s Day chez Round is Funny:

5 am: Baby is awake. Baby is starving. Everyone has to know until it gets fixed. Cuddly, but very loud.

6:30 am: The phone rings. NSG is calling home to report that she has risked her neck to get to her childcare job despite the icy roads. I cancel my 10 am meeting and decide not to risk mine and Roo’s necks to do the usual 8 am baby-swap at NSG’s job.

6:30-10 am: Roo and I hang out. Lovely. Overdue.

10:00: NSG comes home. We have 15 minutes and open Valentine’s cards together. I bolt for work (2 1/2 hours late).

2:59:  My supervisor comes in to tell me they are closing the office early because things are icing up.

3:00: I realize I have a proposal due… tomorrow.

4:15: Finally leaving work, papers in hand so I can get it done tonight – freakin’ Valentine’s Day and I’m bringing work home.

5:30: As I’m pulling up in front of the house, my phone rings. NSG, with Roo in tow, has a flat. Tow truck will be 2 hours because of the weather emergency.

5:45: She gets impatient, puts the damn donut on herself and cancels the tow order. She drives about 10 feet and realizes the donut is flat. Calls again. I head out the door to get them in an abandoned parking lot. We leave the car directly under a sign that says “no overnight parking. Violators will be towed.”

7:00: We call roadside assistance again and are told that they can’t tow the car unless we are there. Baby needs to go to bed, roads are icy, and the wait on the tow truck is now closer to 3 hours.

7:00-7:30: Make about 47 calls to sisters, co-workers, supervisors, and the police in an effort to make sure everyone has wheels to get them to their job in the morning, the baby won’t have to watch himself, and that car will not be towed from the parking lot. The police say they have no control over who gets towed on private property. In the process of making calls, score free babysitter for Sunday night date.

7:30-9:00: Gulp down dinner (was going to be good but given the events of the evening came from a package), put baby to bed, sit together and focus on each other for a whole 10 minutes. NSG off to bed in preparation for 5:30 am wake-up.

9:00-9:45: Finish proposal, cap off romantic evening by blogging about it. Feel grateful that I was never too hung up on Valentine’s Day to begin with.

New password

February 13, 2007

I just put up a password-protected post.

Email me at anelephantsgestation AT hotmail DOT com if you’d like the password.

Protected: Lion

February 13, 2007

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