A different spin on it

Save the (Celebrity) Children!

African family adopts Britney’s kids.


And so they have circumvented the North American nation’s adoption laws, which impose strict restrictions—including a law forbidding foreigners to remove from the country babies who have at least one legal parent.

The children’s father, Kevin Federline, said, “I am the father of Sean Preston and Jayden James, who have been adopted. I am very happy because, as you can see, there is spiritual poverty in this village, and I know they will be very well looked after in Malawi. Peace out!”

But Mr. and Mrs. M are not content to save just two children. “After learning that there are thousands of biological celebrity ‘orphans’ in Hollywood, it is our wish to open up our hut and help them escape a life of extreme affluence, hardship, and in many cases, Scientology.” And so they will set up a center in Los Angeles to facilitate the adoption of other celebrity children. Numerous couples have already come forward from Afghanistan, Cambodia, China, Ethiopia, Iran, Iraq, Mongolia, North Korea, Vietnam, and other countries that can offer children a better life.

The response has been overwhelming. So far, couples have put in requests to adopt the offspring of O.J. Simpson, Anna Nicole Smith, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, Michael Jackson, George and Laura Bush, and Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger. Inquiries have also been made about the Culkin kids, as well as Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and the Olsen twins, who clearly suffer from severe cases of malnutrition.

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