The drain

January 10, 2008

This is it, my friends: my last post.

I moved to this blog a while back because the other one was not anonymous enough, and I purposely did not give this address to family members or close friends (the only exception being a handful of people I had met through blogging). Despite having a new address with no names attached to it – mine or anyone else’s – more than one person who I had understood would not be reading this blog has found it and identified me. Already one friendship took a hit because someone I asked not to read this blog did some detective work and found me. This friendship is only now beginning to recover.

This happened again recently, and several people are very hurt.  I betrayed the trust of someone very important to me, and I don’t know what it will take to heal that. There will be plenty of fallout from this. And, to my formerly anonymous reader: I’m sorry. I don’t have better words for it right now. But I hope you know that I would never in a million years have done this on purpose, and I can’t begin to tell you how much I regret it.

I have counted – naively, obviously – on the anonymity of this blog when I have posted information here about my family, my friends, my marriage, and my son’s adoption. I know that everyone says that whatever you post on the internet is fair game, but obviously I didn’t listen carefully enough. So now I’ve hurt someone very important to me, and I’m also painfully aware that I put some things out there that I would not have shared with the person who has been reading this.

I’ve loved blogging. NSG has asked me why I can’t just keep a journal, but the feedback from other people and the connections I’ve made with other people have been at least as valuable as the opportunity to record pieces of my life. The support in particular around open adoption – the perspectives from first moms and from adoptive parents living open adoption – has been nothing less than life-changing for me, and I’m very grateful. There’s no way I could have made those kinds of connections outside the internets.

I’ll miss that, but the cost of doing this keeps going up, and it’s way too expensive now. So I’m out.



January 7, 2008

I just need to post this so I have some written proof: my son has slept past 7 am for SEVEN DAYS IN A ROW.

And not only that: we’ve been sleep training again, since after travelling and illness and all sorts of disruptions it was not going so well. The plan was eventually to break the 4:30 bottle habit, but after a few days he broke it all by his lonesome. The first time he did it – slept from 8 pm until past 7 – we got up to check on his breathing three times between 6 and 7:15. 

Halle-frickin’-lujah. This is a thing of true beauty. We are both new women. And he is one smiley boy.

Also, as an aside: I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions, but apparently I need a resolution to post the damn New Year’s post already. It’s mostly written, really. It will be up before, um, February. I promise.

Enough already

January 4, 2008

Please, please, please: I am hardly Britney Spears’ biggest fan, and I cop to reading People magazine on line pretty much every day, but seriously: leave her alone. There are pictures on the internet that were taken from INSIDE THE AMBULANCE as she was hauled off to the hospital after a breakdown.

The woman has been in the spotlight since she was this big. She got rich fast and famous faster, had some less-than-perfect role models, and no one seems to believe that she can actually make good decisions for herself or her children. I’m not sure who wouldn’t down some pills and fall apart in those circumstances.

She’s ill. She’s made some really poor decisions for herself and her children. But quit blaming her for her current circumstances by naming all the reasons she “deserves” to be punished. Just give the woman a little breathing space, get her out of the limelight for a while. People – including people with drug and alcohol addictions – can do surprisingly good things when it’s actually expected of them.



January 2, 2008

After a full 17 months of trying unsuccessfully to get Roo to call me Ima, the Hebrew word for Mom, we spend 3 days with a friend and her almost-2-year-old and he decides that I’m Mommy.

He’s being saying Mama for a month or so, and we weren’t sure if he was calling us both Mama, or if he meant NSG and it was another symptoms of the recent Mamas. Not only is he now saying Mommy, he’s clearly differentiating us by name. This morning he slept till 7:15 (please pause while the angels sing a hallelujah chorus) and then called for Mommy and waved when I walked in. Oh, the cuteness.

So do I just go with it, or keep working on Ima?

Anyway, Happy New Year. The obligatory New Year’s Day post is coming.