The drain

January 10, 2008

This is it, my friends: my last post.

I moved to this blog a while back because the other one was not anonymous enough, and I purposely did not give this address to family members or close friends (the only exception being a handful of people I had met through blogging). Despite having a new address with no names attached to it – mine or anyone else’s – more than one person who I had understood would not be reading this blog has found it and identified me. Already one friendship took a hit because someone I asked not to read this blog did some detective work and found me. This friendship is only now beginning to recover.

This happened again recently, and several people are very hurt.  I betrayed the trust of someone very important to me, and I don’t know what it will take to heal that. There will be plenty of fallout from this. And, to my formerly anonymous reader: I’m sorry. I don’t have better words for it right now. But I hope you know that I would never in a million years have done this on purpose, and I can’t begin to tell you how much I regret it.

I have counted – naively, obviously – on the anonymity of this blog when I have posted information here about my family, my friends, my marriage, and my son’s adoption. I know that everyone says that whatever you post on the internet is fair game, but obviously I didn’t listen carefully enough. So now I’ve hurt someone very important to me, and I’m also painfully aware that I put some things out there that I would not have shared with the person who has been reading this.

I’ve loved blogging. NSG has asked me why I can’t just keep a journal, but the feedback from other people and the connections I’ve made with other people have been at least as valuable as the opportunity to record pieces of my life. The support in particular around open adoption – the perspectives from first moms and from adoptive parents living open adoption – has been nothing less than life-changing for me, and I’m very grateful. There’s no way I could have made those kinds of connections outside the internets.

I’ll miss that, but the cost of doing this keeps going up, and it’s way too expensive now. So I’m out.


I miss…

December 14, 2007

First snowstorm of the year

Originally uploaded by Roundisfunny1

… my family, and I miss this – the first snowstorm of the year. I can hardly complain: I’m at my uncle’s house – not only is he still alive (which a month ago was still a question) but we ate sushi together tonight, and it’s 50 degrees out at 8 pm. But still – I want to taste snow, and I want to lie on the couch and let Roo use me as his human belly-trampoline.

I always used to love travelling for work. It feels a lot more ambivalent now that I’m Roo’s mama.

(Photo courtesy of the Boston Globe)

Down time

October 27, 2007

carry-on bag

Originally uploaded by Roundisfunny1

This picture is Roo’s carry-on bag. NSG loaded him up with snacks and toys in a special backpack we bought for him at a yard sale last weekend in the hopes that he can entertain himself and sit still (hah!) for the trip to Philly while she does her fearful-flyer-exercises with him in her lap.

I had plans to go to Western Mass this weekend to see a (very, very) pregnant friend, but – the nerve of her – she went into labor. So it’s 1:30, and I am ensconced very happily in pajamas on my unmade bed with 2 cats at my feet, a big cup of coffee on the nightstand, and a copy of Barbara Kingsolver’s new book (in hardback – I’m getting crazy here, people). Tonight I am going to sleep through the whole. freakin. night, and tomorrow I’m going to wake up on my own schedule and spend at least half the day sitting on my tail working on a sweater for Roo and catching up with a friend I haven’t seen in a month.

I can hardly stand myself.

This made my day

October 26, 2007

No justice, No sleep

Originally uploaded by Roundisfunny1

A gift from a sympathetic co-worker. Made by Revo Baby, which has some really freakin’ funny stuff.

Vacation, redux

October 16, 2007

Beach bum

Originally uploaded by Roundisfunny1

Finally got those film images developed from our beach trip in August. This is one of those photos that makes me remember every detail of that afternoon.

New password

February 13, 2007

I just put up a password-protected post.

Email me at anelephantsgestation AT hotmail DOT com if you’d like the password.

Have two, use none

January 14, 2007

My latest post, Have two, use none, about the negotiations around how to have a baby when your family has two uteruses, is up at Lesbian Family dot org.